Did you know that David Bowie’s real name is David Jones, and that the Model T Ford was the first Automobile to be mass produced? No, I bet you didn’t. And I cannot tell you how I stumbled upon this knowledge. I just know it. But don’t you dare share these new facts with anyone else. They’ll just think that you’re being a clever little arse and throw whiteboard markers at your forehead. Or at least that’s what my boss did to me today after I told him these trivial facts. He then proceeded to call me a fool.
I’m straying from my main point before I’ve even made it. I shall explain.
You see, I have always been a bit of a storyteller; a joker. All of my co-workers thought I was really self-effacing and shy when I began six months ago until Everett’s 30th birthday party when I entertained them all with my anecdotes of my simply getting dressed and ready to get to the party in question; which involved my mother calling my dress sense ‘lesbonic’ and then me nearly running over a wombat on the back roads of Phillip Island. They all found it amusing. Now I am called upon to recall tales of mischief and misconduct whenever we all get together for a drink whereupon I hold court at the table and entertain young and old with my words.
I possess a great mass of interesting and yet useless facts and figures. For example, Alfred Hitchcock always made an appearance in each and everyone one of his films, even if it only was for a few seconds on screen, and did you know that on an average day a cow produces around 40 litres of milk? No, I didn’t think you would. But please do not even begin to think that I am attempting to lord it over you with my ‘impressive knowledge’. Oh no, because you see, I am an ‘autodidact’. (You see, I even know a word that you may have never heard of.) An ‘autodidact’ is ‘a person of self-taught knowledge.’ Which quite neatly summarises my life and brain power.
Upon first meeting me, one would presume that I am quite intelligent. All the signs are there. I wear glasses sometimes. I did well on my VCE exams. I am planning to go to university.
Then ask me to perform any simple Math’s task, and watch me explode and burn up upon re-entry. All systems down I’m afraid. No hope of getting a speck of intelligence out of me then. Which I find rather embarrassing, as I get complimented on my lovely speaking voice and how I am a confident public speaker and my vast vocabulary, but ask me to times 8x3 and I fall to pieces. I just can’t fathom numbers, it’s beyond my comprehension.
So what do we deem as intelligent? What equals to an education?
I am a firm believer in that everyone is intelligent, yet we all show it in different ways.
Take my own relative. My uncle, who dropped out of the local high-school in year 9, and who by today’s standards should now be living as a tramp somewhere on a park bench, has gone on to own his own transport buisiness and can add up square metric tonnes of super-phosphate in his head within milliseconds whilst I am still busy pulling out my little calculator. A lady whom I work with jetted off to Europe as soon as she turned 18; no university or TAFE education, yet she is a jedi with such wisdom and knowledge of life that I have nothing but the upmost respect for her.
On the other hand; having intelligence down on paper in the form of a degree does not always make you King of the World either. A man I know has been to five different universities, and thus has around 7 or so degrees. And he works as a milker on his parents dairy farm. Why bother with all the university then? “I just like learning” he replies.
Just because I can’t perform any mathematical task of any kind does not make me stupid or unintelligent. Just because I know what ‘regicide’ means does not mean that I am a clever little sod. There are so many different books, sciences, sports, arts, different types of music, different types of mathematics and so much of the English language to learn that it is impossible to be master of it all. Which is good I feel. Because what a boring world it would be if we all knew what the square root of 45 was and if we all knew how to speak Spanish. How would we ever learn? What would we ever talk about? Everyone is intelligent in their own individual way. Except for people from America...because we all know what they’re like...
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