Down under, a British person is usually described in one of several ways; either a whiner, a fancy-boy, gay, old-fashioned, pompous or up-themselves. They speak in posh, over-the-top fancy accents, they never bathe and only eat black pudding and other meals made from awful body parts of dead animals. They think we’re all colonial yobbs who only drive utes, cook on BBQ’s and address everyone as ‘mate.’
We think that they’re living in the dark ages and that they must constantly be damp from all that constant rain. Their cars are called ‘Aston Martin’, their towns are named ‘Stratford-upon-Avon’ and they say ‘blimey’ or ‘bother’ when things get tough. Back here, our towns are called ‘Wagga-Wagga’, our cars are either Holden or Ford, and it’s either ‘bugger’ or ‘bloody’ whenever your mother’s around.
We think that they’re living in the dark ages and that they must constantly be damp from all that constant rain. Their cars are called ‘Aston Martin’, their towns are named ‘Stratford-upon-Avon’ and they say ‘blimey’ or ‘bother’ when things get tough. Back here, our towns are called ‘Wagga-Wagga’, our cars are either Holden or Ford, and it’s either ‘bugger’ or ‘bloody’ whenever your mother’s around.
To give them credit where it’s due, the Brit’s have done quite a lot for both Australia and the rest of the world. Their nation’s history is littered with great literary figures. During the 1960’s they were on the cutting edge of fashion, for example Twiggy, and musicians; the likes of The Rolling Stones, and The Beetles. And they do produce some nice food on occasion. Two people whom I went to school with are currently both over in Pommyland spending a year off from university.
Apparently England is one of the most popular nations in the world for Australian tourists. So there must be a reason. I mean, we all wouldn’t head on over there if we truly hated them that much.
Personally, I cannot wait to travel to England. I’m planning to complete my second year of university over in the mother land, and am filling in the time until then with books, magazines, television programs, films and music made by or created in England. There is this inexplainable, primordial lust that burns right down inside me which I simply cannot shake. I can’t explain in it in words why I want to go to England. All I know is that I need to get there. I need to be there. I’ll come home, eventually, but for now there is some deep seeded primitive need within me that is pulling me back to the land of my forefathers like a moth to a flame.
Considering that it is not just me who feels this need to travel to England for whatever reason, it is surprising considering both countries attitudes towards each other. I’ve been filling in a lot of my time of late reading a fair bit of British journalism online. And surprisingly, considering that we are on the opposite side of the planet, Australia gets a mention quite frequently, though it seems only ever in jest. And I directly quote: “I'm just not Australian. I don't really understand enthusiasm for the barbecue either, because the locals really do regard it as the route to culinary nirvana. Where I come from, cooking outside over a bonfire is something you do if you're homeless.” By James May Published 24 Feb 2010
Look here England, just because you created us does not mean that you own us. Don’t you point the finger at us and laugh at our colonial ways. Don’t accuse us of being primitive. Because let me remind you of something. Don’t you forget, that the only reason that we are here is because you sent us all here in cramped,rat-infested,leaking ships. You sent us to the opposite side of the world, to a foreign unknown land with all sorts of weird animals. All of your your thieves and murderers, if they weren’t hung drawn and quartered, were sent down here. Australia took all the stabbists and heratics from England, toughened them up, stopped the whinging and created a civilised, revolutionary society which functions in a perfectly normal and sensible manner.
They say that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger; rise up from the ashes to seize the day. And so on. Australia is the nation that rose from the ashes of England’s failing society. Australia is simply the people that England wished it was. So please refrain from pointing and laughing. Don’t complain about our culinary skills and stick to your tea and biscuits. And stay the bloody hell away from us. Thanks awfully old chap.
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