all you need is love

It has been nearly one year exactly since I was last in a relationship. And, up until quite recently, I have been perfectly content with my newly acquired ‘singledom.’ I can go out with the lads and the girls on Friday nights whenever I please without having to check with anyone else (apart from mother, which is what you get when you decide to spend your year off from university living at home). I can go for a good week or two without shaving my legs or seeing to my eyebrows because, let’s be honest, who’s going to be looking at those. And that’s just one less present to buy at Christmas, Valentine’s Day, birthdays and anniversaries.  Which works well for me, because I am a bit tight when it comes to money. However, that’s a tale for another day.

I had not felt any need for another human being’s presence in my life apart from my boss, mainly because he pays me. I was perfectly happy with going to work, coming home, spending Friday and Saturday nights with my friends and family, and spending time with other blokes without having to think of a jealous other-half. It was fantastic. For the first time after schooling and exams had finished, I had the time to focus purely and simply on myself. But then, enter stage left: Mr X.

Mr X, as he shall be known, was simply an innocent young man whom I stumbled upon one Friday with the girls. He simply came into the cafe for whatever it was he was after, and after a bout of outrageous flirting between he and I, he quietly left. Exit stage right, Mr X, leaving a trail of excited women and one beaming girl in his wake. However, what may seem like innocent banter between two young individuals held so much more weight and poignancy than I could possibly fathom. Mr X’s presence in our little group drew attention to the other women whom I was with to the fact that I was the only person in sight who was not married, in a serious relationship or living in a de facto relationship. There is not a sign of a short fling or one-night stand; indeed I am the lone dating wolf. Which, I’ll say again, suited me just fine. However, they’ve all taken it upon themselves to ‘make myself available’ to any good looking man who is breathing in and out that walks in the door. Which is ok, I guess. But I wasn’t really looking for a boyfriend. Like I said earlier, I was oh-so-happy driving solo.

Also, another thing. I am by no means the most good looking girl in the world. Granted, I’m not a total troll, I hope, but I’m no Bridgette Bardot. So what on earth would Mr X, a quite attractive gentleman, be doing asking me what I am up to on the weekend and asking my name? 

However, in the time that has prolapsed since the arrival of said X boy in my life and now, I have changed my outlook quite a bit. Actually, rather a lot. For starters, I plucked my eyebrows for the first time in months on Saturday. I served a bloke who looked like he was carved from a cold, perfect piece of marble from the hands of God himself, and he smiled back at me. I feel as though I have been reborn, and for the first time am recognising the opposite sex not just as friends who have a bit more hair than I, but potential partners. And  it has been fun. 

 But something doesn’t feel right. I feel strange. I feel girly. I feel...quite pathetic, to be perfectly honest. Why have I all of a sudden decided to make such an effort to attract males who I don’t even know? Males who two weeks ago I wouldn’t have even batted an eye at? I wasn’t looking for anyone a week ago, so what makes me think that I should start?

And what about my freedom? My singledom? My right to purchase a bag of crispy M&M’s at the petrol station, rest them in my lap and devour the lot whilst I drive to Melbourne has been ruined because, rather than reveling in the wonder that is the chocolate confectionary melting in my lap, I have to worry about getting fat, having blue stained teeth and becoming unattractive to men. I have to worry about what I am doing each and every weekend and how I am going to spend that time with my man rather than plodding around home in my pajamas on a Friday night only to be spontaneously invited out to the pub for a night on the town. I can barely manage to organise my own life as it is, how in the world would I be able to juggle another human being, let alone a man, and all the strings attached? 

I’m not ruling out love and the possibility of potentially falling in love with another human being. I’m not totally against monogamy. But just for the moment, I’m just fine the way things are. Although, Mr X was quite good looking...

How does that song go? “Love is all you need....and a bag of M&M’s...”