yankee doodle went to town

Can I just shock you? I dislike Americans.

I’ll elaborate for you.

There is no celebrity, president, musician, actress, director, inventor, writer, artist or car manufacturer that appeals to any of my senses at all. And I can absolutely guarantee that nothing imaginative, quiet, classy, elegant, intelligent or affordable has ever happened, been thought of or attended to in America. It’s a fact of life.

This brings me neatly to my main point: they’re all rather stupid. I’ve met mushrooms growing in public toilets that have more intelligence than some Americans. 

No, that’s not fair on mushrooms.

It has always confounded me as to how this nation of oversized, over-exuberant and unintelligent people have risen quickly to the top of the universal ladder and have stayed there for quiet some time.  

My second point. There is an insatiable and unexplainable lust that is deep seeded in all Americans for everything to be bigger and better than everyone else in the entire universe. Here in Australia, a nation similar in geographical size, we have a humble 7 states and territories. America? Around 50. And I cannot give you an exact figure of states because I simply cannot be bothered going onto the internet or looking in my atlas and wasting my precious and limited energy doing anything in regards to America and its citizens. But you get my drift. The cars are bigger. The cups are bigger. The people are bigger. Would you like that super sized? Sure, that’ll be 1 million dollars. Howdy par’ner! 

But is bigger always necessarily better? Nay, dear reader. More is not always better. 

No-one wants to hear from their doctor that what was originally a broken rib is actually kidney failure or that the total bill for your recently renovated bathroom is not actually the quoted $500 but is $50,000. You see? More is not always better. But don’t you dare try and tell the Yanks that.

I am sick of turning on my television here in Australia and learning about a boy in a balloon over in the states. I also don’t need to be notified on the radio every time Obama gets up from his office to take a leak.


 People of the world; correction, People of America! Do I interfere with your life? No I don’t, so stay the bloody hell away from mine.

PS: Just letting you know America, you spelt ‘color’ wrong. There’s a U in it.